For All That We Have
by MuldersMamma
Summary: Where CC left off after "Existance"


From: Jenn  ****

From: Jenn 

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Title: For All That We Have 

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Summary: Continuation from where CC left off in "Existance" 

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Rating: PG 

Comments are appreciated at [muldersmamma@hotmail.com][1]

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Major Spoilers: Existence 

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Distribution with permission 

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Disclaimer: I have borrowed characters Dana Scully, Fox Mulder, John Doggett, and Walter Skinner from Chris Carter, 1013 Productions and FOX Television without permission. I have just borrowed them for this story (I'll give 'em back—don't worry!). This **IS** a work of fiction. Names, characters, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental. 

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Okay this is my second piece of FanFic! I'm not ready to be flamed yet!!!

FOR ALL THAT WE HAVE

-by Jenn Pearce

"Which is what?" I ask, my mind whizzing over a million things that the truth Mulder was alluding to could be. That this baby is ours. That we're still so far from the truth. That I… 

I discover my heart racing as I see him lean in toward me. His soft, warm lips touch mine. His kiss is gentle, and I graciously kiss him in return. I understand that truth. A truth that we have both known for eight years, but have never verbally expressed. We always thought the other may know, but we were never absolutely sure.

Love.

Mulder loves me. I love him more than he may ever comprehend. I hear a cry from beneath me, interrupting our kiss. Mulder looks down at William with so much emotion, so much love and caring, I could cry. He loves our baby deeply. 

"What is it Will?" he asks gently, "don't like seeing your parents make-out do ya?" He shifts the tiny baby in his arms. "You want her?" 

Mulder looks at me and I reach for my baby. No. Our baby. I can't get over the fact that Fox Mulder is the father of my child. Mulder's a dad. I'm a mom. 

"I think he's hungry," I observe, taking him in my arms, carrying the small child in my arms, carrying him to the living room couch. 

"Do you want me to leave you two alone?" Mulder asks as I begin to pull at my nightshirt. 

"Don't be silly," I say, and place William upon my breast. Mulder watched in amazement. He passes me a towel that's sitting on the coffee table. 

"Thanks." We sit there in silence, just watching this tiny miracle peacefully eat. He eventually falls asleep in complete comfort. 

"Sorry honey," I wake the sleeping infant, removing him from my body, "Mommy needs to go to the bathroom. You sit with daddy okay?" I catch Mulder's eyes glistening as he takes little Will. I spot a single tear running down his cheek. I smile softly at Mulder. 

"Daddy," he whispers, concentrating on the child within his arms. 

I slowly make my way to that washroom. I look at my reflection. One of exhaustion. And relief. Everything I have ever dreamed about all of my life is suddenly sitting in my living room. 

Suddenly, the lights flicker in my bathroom as I splash water on my face. I throw open the door and glance at Mulder. He's already standing. 

"Scully, let's go." 

I take the baby from his arms. 

"Grab that bag Mulder," I hear my panicky voice spit out. He grabs it and we hurriedly rush from my apartment. 

"Not again," I breathe, William stirring in my grasp. 

"Nothing is going to happen to this baby Scully. I'll give my life first." We rush down the stairs and down to my car. 

"Where are we going Mulder?" I ask him as he begins to speed away. 

"I don't know. I don't even know if the lights mean anything. All I know is that we are NOT taking any chances," his tone lets me understand his seriousness. 

William begins to shriek uncontrollably from my arms, scared. Reading my emotions perfectly. I don't get it. Not a thing. Billy Miles was out to get us, I am sure of that. Then he just stands aside as William is introduced to this planet. Now what? Is this he?

"What the hell is going on?" I ask quietly, not looking at Mulder. He knows what I mean. What's going on in general. The situation that's consuming our lives, making us run and worry every waking moment. The entire situation. 

"Are we even going to stop running?" 

"I'll run for as ever long as I have to. I will allow nothing to ever happen to out child Scully." 

I know he means it. 

Mulder picks up his cell phone from the dash. "Skinner? It's Mulder. We've got a situation." 

I zone out as Mulder begins his explanation to the Assistant Director. I look at William nestled in my arms. His eyes alert, studying his surroundings. His aura exudes nothing but purity and innocence, yet causing so much chaos. I come back to earth to Mulder saying my name. 

"Scully? Scully? Are you there? Are you okay? 

"Mulder, I don't get this. I feel so…helpless. I don't get this." I blabber on, trying to get a grip on my emotions. 

**__**

Be strong Dana

"We're going to Agent Doggett's. Skinner too. We're all going to figure something out." 

"Mulder, that makes no sense. What about Knowle Rohrer? And Agent Crane?" 

"They're gone Scully."

I find myself suddenly sick of arguing as I observe the child trying to rest against my warm body. 

**__**

What the fuck is the matter with you Dana? What happened to who you used to be? That strong, independent woman who walked through that door to the X-files nine years ago. Where the hell is that person? You better find her, quick.

Mulder silently pulls up to Agent Doggett's home, and I noiselessly emerge with William stirring beneath me. John Doggett opens the door as we reach the front step. No words are spoken. I take a seat on his couch, placing the infant beside me hoping he will sleep on the soft material. I can hear Mulder and Doggett speaking in hushed tones in the room adjacent. 

"Whatever the hell you two are discussing, I believe I have the right to be a part of your conversation, " I hear my voice speak with sharpness and clarity. 

There's a rapping at the door. "It's Skinner." 

Mulder answers the door, then locks it after he enters. Mulder, Doggett, and Skinner join me in the living room. 

"Weren't we just here?" I point out, referring to only days before when we were in Skinner's office, for the exact same reason. Except no Krycek this time. 

"What are we gonna do?" Doggett interjects, trying to stay focused. 

"Whatever it is, whoever it is, they want our baby. They want William," I clarify our purpose for being here.

"Or they want you." Skinner says quietly. 

"We don' even know if there is somethin' comin'. It coulda been a power surge. We don' know," Doggett reasons. 

"We can't take that chance," Mulder challenges with authority. 

There's silence for a long while when I hear Skinner's voice calmly offer: 

"Dana, I know you won't like this…but the logical idea is to separate you and the child. It only makes sense. We need to protect you both." 

I feel that all-to-familiar rush of hotness run to the back of my eyes. "But you can't…" I manage to choke out, "Do you even understand…?"

**__**

They understand all too well. They know what you've been through. They saw you're pain. They know.

I take a long look at the miracle resting on the cushion beside me. I would do anything to save this life. I already saw one of my children slip away. I will not allow the other to follow. 

"William's life is more important than anything else I could ever imagine. And if this is they way to save it, I guess…," I take a breath, "…I guess have to do it." I hear my voice like watching the scene from a distance. 

I see myself pick up the sleepy child and protect him in my grasp. I see Mulder's expression of understanding as he comes over to me and puts his hand on my shoulder. I see Skinner and Doggett with looks of seriousness and sorrow. 

All I want is for this to be over. Everything. I feel the pain from deep inside increase. The tight squeezing of the pain on my heart is overwhelming, tightening it's grip with every second that passes. 

"I hate to rush you Dana," Skinner starts, "but I think you understand the urgency of the situation." I look up and see Doggett focusing on something out his back window. 

"Look, I don' know if I'm seein' things or what, but you need to go. Now." He reaches for his gun. 

"Go."

I look at Mulder as he and Skinner both grab my arm, as I tighten my hold on William in the other arm. We get into my car, with Skinner at the wheel. 

I hear shots ring out in the distance as we drive away.

"John…" I murmur under my breath.

I blankly stare at the stars as they whiz by. I wonder where the Assistant Director is going. I pray that he never gets there.

**__**

Dana you know you have to do this. The faster it comes the faster you get it over with. Don't bail now.

Silently I step from the car as Skinner has stopped at the side of the road, what seems like hours later. I have no clue where we are. I see trees, and miles of road ahead. I know this needs to be done. I trust Mulder to take care of this baby.

"Just give me a moment with him, okay?" My voice is quite, almost inaudible.

I walk with him, and face some trees to the left of the road. He gently cocks his head, and I shift him so I can see his entirety.

"William…this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do," I allow the tears to flow freely. I don't care anymore. I try to regain my composure, I don't want the child to frightened.

"William…I love you more than you can ever understand, and I am doing everything I can to make sure you are safe," I hear my voice waver, and my vision blurs. "Your daddy will be there until we can be together again.

"You will never leave my thoughts. My every conscious moment will be spent thinking of you. Never ever forget this.

"I love you William." 

The child is quiet as I draw him near…hoping that this moment will never end. The tears run down my face, irrepressible. 

I feel a hand around my shoulder, then around my body. Mulder shift in front me and hugs me. I feel his hot tears on my neck. I pull away, and look him in the eyes.

"I know you'll take good care of him, Fox."

I reluctantly offer the tiny infant to him. 

He slowly turns and makes his way to my car. I follow him, dazed, and watch him place William in the car seat.

He walks around to the driver's door, looks to Skinner and nods. An acknowledgment to him from Mulder, a thank-you for everything, and a confirmation that he is truly leaving.

He turns to me and puts his arms around me. I grasp at his back. A silent message of how much pain is resounding inside.

"Thank-you Mulder," is all I can manage. There's so much more I need to express but can't.

"I know Scully, it's okay. Don't worry. He'll be a Yankees fan before you know it," his voice cracks.

We stand there, holding each other. All of a sudden, nine years of memories flash before my eyes.

**__**

"Oh really, I was under the impression that you were sent to spy on me."

  
"If there's an iced tea in that bag, it could be love."

"... You kept me honest. You made me a whole person. I owe you everything. Scully and you owe me nothing. I don't know if I want to do this alone. I don't even know if I can. And if I quit now they win."  


"Scully, marry me."  


"Never give up on a miracle"

He releases me, looking me in my eyes. I see him at the moment. Deep inside…for everything that he is. I see all of his fears…the true Mulder. The man that I love.

"I love you Fox Mulder."

"I love you Dana Scully."

He squeezes my arm as a signal of 'this is it.'

He holds my gaze until he ducks into the car and drives away. I watch them until I remain staring at a blank road…until they have left my life.

I feel my legs weaken beneath me, and I sink to the ground, holding nothing back. The tears come so fast they burn my cheeks. My body shakes from head to toe, and my lungs are gasping for breath. The sobs are evident, but do not suppress them…the tears come even faster. The pain inside my chest intensifies.

I wish that I was dead.

Skinner keeps his distance, allowing me my space. He stands 25 feet away, knowing that as soon as I am ready he'll take his cell phone and call for someone to come get us. Not yet…I'm not quite ready.

I remain amongst the dust and stones and grass as I look at the sky.

"Please God. Be with them."

I close my eyes, wishing and praying for this pain to go away. For everything to be normal.

An image appears before my eyes…Mulder and I with William between us…the scene that happened just minutes before. The only picture that I have of my family. 

The picture that will remain frozen in my heart for all of eternity.

   [1]: /cgi-bin/compose?curmbox=F000000001&a=95a62f31e2f011d9648636535e13111f&mailto=1&to=muldersmamma@hotmail.com&msg=MSG991427125.20&start=1610858&len=8641&src=&type=x



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